


Three Letter Word

by whovianletthedalecksout



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Hawkeye (Comics), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Natasha is a good friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-02
Updated: 2015-04-02
Packaged: 2018-03-20 20:32:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3664011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whovianletthedalecksout/pseuds/whovianletthedalecksout
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Story of Clint over the years overcoming his issues and falling in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Letter Word

**Author's Note:**

> This is only the second fic I've ever written, so be nice. Comments and kudos make me smile until it hurts.  
> Sadly I don't own Clint, though I would like to, all characters are the property of their respective creators.

Fag  
Clint's eyes found his shoes as the boy in front of him shouted it at him with such violent vehemence that the word itself was not unlike a dagger, it sliced straight through his hard protective shell and left a wound that would not heal for many years.

Job  
It was his job and he did it well. That didn't mean he enjoyed it, or hate himself for it, but he needed the money to live. It wasn't like the local target would hire him, an ex carnie and an orphan with a far from clean criminal past. Also he wasn't entirely certain he was even legally considered a citizen, or alive for that matter. And so he did his job and he did it well

P.J.C  
Clint knew he was on some sort of giant airborne base, the agent who had put him in this holding room had called it the helicarrier. The same agent had given him this honest to god hanky he was holding to his bloody nose. He peeled it off his face to get a better look at it. Straightening it out he noticed it was monogrammed with small silver almost unnoticeable block lettering along the bottom. It read P.J.C, though half the J and the C were stained red with Clint's blood. He knew the C stood for Coulson since the agent had radioed 'Agent Coulson with mark at pick up point, pilot confirm arrival time'. He wondered what the P stood for while shouting at the camera in the corner to 'let me out, you stupid fucking men in black'

Aim  
He shot at the target over and over. His arms were numb and the target no longer had a bullseye, it was just a gaping hole with arrows lodged in the wall behind it. If he just kept aiming and releasing maybe he could block out the part of him he hated. If he kept shooting perfectly maybe he would stop looking at Phil in the fucked up way he did. Coulson, looking at Coulson in that way. 

Lie  
Natasha handed over the bottle of vodka, Clint almost refused due to the amount he had already ingested but rethought his decision and the fact that maybe it would help numb the pain. He would feel worse in the morning but maybe it would stop for tonight. He leaned over and took it from her. She had found him trying to climb into the vents and had lured him back down with threats and booze. They sat on the floor in her tiny room on the helicarrier passing her stash back an forth in companionable silence. And then she went and broke it.  
"Why were you trying to hide in the vents"  
Clint stared at the bottle in his hands and said, "bad op."  
"Don't lie to me Clint, you drink and then sleep after a bad op, why were you crawling sober into the vents"  
He looked up at her with pain in his eyes, "Please Nat".

Gay  
Natasha didn't allow 'please Nat' to work on her the third time she had to pull him from the vents. He had gotten increasingly worse, this time he hadn't eaten in several days and had deep circles under his eyes.  
"Clint tell me what's wrong now, or so help me I'll tell Coulson to pull you off missions until you do."  
He curled into a ball and let out a quiet laugh that was also half sob if you listened closely.  
"I'm a fucking faggot Nat."  
Her eyes lit with anger and she grabbed his face and turned it towards hers, "No you're not Clint".  
He sobbed loudly and undisguised by laughter. He curled tighter and went into a protective position, face tucked into his legs and hands protecting his neck. As if he expected her to hit or kick him.  
Her heart clenched knowing it spoke volumes of his past, "Clint! Stop, I'm not going to hurt you, you aren't a faggot, don't call yourself that. You're Clint and you're gay, and there's nothing wrong with it."

Who  
"Phil" Clint said, looking nonchalant surveying the area for their target.  
"What?" Natasha asked, looking about in case Clint meant he saw him somewhere. But that was impossible, Phil was somewhere in Somalia via Fury's orders helping straighten out an op that went bad.  
"Phil, I like Phil" Clint held his bow steady, Natasha only knew he was stressed by the was his knuckles were slightly white where they griped the bow.  
"Oh, ok, and what are you going to do about it?"

Hug  
Clint rolled over in bed arm reaching out only to touch a cooling spot instead of Phil's torso he had expected. He opened his eyes, startled he hadn't woken up when Phil had gotten out of bed. It was astonishing that after so many years of waking up at the slightest noise or movement that it had only taken 7 months of dating Phil to feel safe enough that he could sleep through anything when he was with him. He pushed himself up and looked around to see the light in the living room was on. He got up and walked out of the room.  
"Phil? What's up?" Clint asked peering into the light at Phil's figure adjusting his tie, "It's like 3 am"  
"Sorry if I woke you, Fury wants me to come in and sort out some mess a new agent made with an entire missions worth of reports."  
Phil walked over to the sleep rumpled archer and wrapped his arms around him. He placed a kiss on the top of his head and said "See you in the morning, I won't be long, but try to go back to sleep, you don't get enough rest as it is."  
Clint returned the hug and smiled, "Love you too Phil"


End file.
